Thursday, November 23, 2006
[Waiting in Vain @
The more you know someone, the more you get to see their imperfection and flaws. This is why close friends occasionally get into a fight. Because they know each other so well, sometimes it's hard to tolerate their friend's unpleasant behaviour. The same thing can be said about lovers or married couple. The more you know your loved one, the more you realise that this person is not as perfect as you thought he/she was when you two first met. It's an inevitable part of a human life, a 'Hedgehog's dillema'. The closer you get to someone, the more likely you're going to hurt, dislike, or being hurt/disliked by that person.
-quoted from http://www.designchronicle.com/memento/archives/jigokushoujo_futakomori_ep03.html
I just have to agree on that. I noticed my reluctance on becoming too close to someone when I started withdrawing myself when I felt like I've known him/her too much, and in the end our friendship would drift away to those of mere acquintances. It was always perplexing when this happened, and it wasn't once or twice that I contemplated on my unexpected behaviour, but no matter how much I wanted to have a close friend for once, I can't bear to get closer, perhaps because I've realized that the closer we got, the more I know about that person that I don't want to know, and s/he'll know more about me than what I'm comfortable to let in. And of course someday that relationship will also end, most probably drifting away by time, or severed by the imperfections we see on each other. I became the executioner, severing the tie before it got too deep that it can hurt me.
So here I am, friendly at first, smiling, pleasant, then slowly withdrawing until you feel you don't know me anymore. It happened a few times, and I doubt it'll stop now. Of course, feeling tormented from what I brought to myself doesn't help either, but I can't help it.
It's also getting quite annoying, because if this goes on I'll die a lonely death when I'm 65, alone in a solitary apartment with 8 dogs... Actually, make that 5, my favorite number. Or even more tragic, dying without ever experiencing the thing called love that humans favor so much. Which is probably overrated, but curiosity will soon get me, and dying with your biggest curiosity unsatisfied would be... scary.
Labels: Contemplation
0 musings
