Friday, December 29, 2006
[Waiting in Vain @
One thing I find amusing is the time when I mentioned to my RNF (retarded normal friend) that my bathroom in Bali is as big as my current apartment. She went like, yeah riiiight... So I find that amusing, because my shower is as big as my bathroom right now, which explains my state of depression when I just arrived here, only to find my room as as big as my MAIDS' ROOM. Ok, my house in Bali isn't exactly the upscale type. If you see around my neighboorhood, it's probably something similar like those rich neighborhood type in American soapies. I won't go into details on how extravagant and oversized some houses there are. I'm just tired of living in a life bordering on poverty right now.
Which really isn't poverty per se, I'm sure that's just in my mind, but I'm facing the enormous pressure of managing my own financial situation, keeping myself alife, and taking care of myself overall. When I was back there, I dreamt of a life of independence, but now I find it tiring. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to look after you when you're sick, to cook for you, or to arrange those darn appointments to the doctor that you have. I want to be back to my life as 'Daddy's princess' again, but I'm sure when that finally can happen, I'll be too used to this kind of lifestyle of fleeting depression and financial stress to ever entirely rely on him again.
I haven't been talking to him, and in reality is trying to avoid doing so, mainly because for one reason or another, talking with him is always depressing, flirting with hope and sweet entices, which I know will never happen. I take comfort in oversleeping now, because then there won't be enough time for me to think about complicated things....
Labels: Contemplation
0 musings
