[Waiting in Vain @
What is it with them and sisters wooing over her own brother and having all those sick fantasies involving them and weddings and ... things... inappropriate? That's just not normal in any way possible, unless you count them incest partners normal, that is, which I suspect you might as well go to the psychiatrist, like, now.
Either way, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about here, so I'm gonna shut up and plop back to bed, hoping that I won't be well tomorrow so I can skip school without guilt involving.
.....And also addicted to cutting, it seems. Realized that last night. Oh well. No harm done except my carpet and some of my school paper work being stained by what suspiciously looks alot like ketchup.
Ciao. For now. I'll be back.
Labels: Depression, Rant
0 musings
[Waiting in Vain @
Conversations with my thirteen year old self - Pink
You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best
No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home
Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me
You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time
The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me
Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you well
Little girl
Until we meet again
Oh
I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me
For apparent reasons, no song holds more truth that this, even though I remember I'm just a simpleton when I was 13, only becoming complicated when I turn 14, and the complexity continues till now. Quite possibly till I graduate and go to college and beyond, if my life goes around in this loop. Ah the happy days of being 13... I wish I would never grow up.
Edit: I decided to adopt a crapload of pokeballs. Because I still love pokemon. Don't give me that look.
Labels: Contemplation, Depression, Life
0 musings
[Waiting in Vain @
I remember I dreamt, a sickly sweet dream, where I was laughing, in a world that would, always, only exists in my dreams. It was a simple thing, really, a day of a family outing, both my parents are there, and other people I cherish --perhaps, but she was well, and it was all that mattered to me, the highlight of that dream, like every other dream before it. We were at the sea, not close to what they call paradise, it was murky green, with jutting rocks on the shores. I was happy in that place, laughing merrily, not because of a stupid joke, but from utter happiness, a sensation I haven't felt for as long as I know.
----And then the dream ended, I was still laughing, but it quickly changed into a bitter recognition that it was only a world inside my dreams. I can live with it- those momentary bliss divided sparsely by many nights, shortly, in that place, before I'm sorely awaken again.
Even now I still remember the last line I uttered when a disfigured voice asked about something I couldn't quite catch.
"I had lots of memories..."
Labels: Depression
0 musings
